Being the know it all that I claim to be, (I’m totally not by the way) I always knew exactly what I wanted to do. In high school I rattled off what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, where I would go to school, what I’d major in, when I’d marry, where we’d move and how many kids and dogs we’d have like it was already told to me. I was always so sure of myself and that’s why when I was finally able to make part of that sentence I’d rattle off in high school a reality, I was so excited. I never thought I’d question my own love for journalism, or Mizzou, not at all, but today, it happened.
Before I continue, let me give a disclaimer: I realize that this blog was essentially created just for my multimedia journalism class, however, it is also supposed to document my way through Mizzou’s J-School. These are my truths, this is how I feel and what I post on here, whether about Miley Cyrus’ hair, or my current feelings towards the J-School and my future in it, are my own, and no one else’s, especially not Mizzou’s, okay? Okay.
Anyway, today’s class was one that I had been waiting for pretty much all semester. A professor who teaches Strat Comm classes (aka, the sequence I am interested in) was finally going to give me the inside scoop on what to expect.
It’s important for me to note that I have been thinking about whether journalism is really for me since my freshmen year, I guess I should’ve listened to that voice questioning my love for the school a little bit sooner than my third year here, but, such is life.
Today was supposed to be the day that would put all my doubts to rest. Holly was supposed to make the Strat Comm route look like a beautiful fairytale and I was supposed to look at her presentation all stary eyed and ready to take it on. But, I didn’t, at all.
Don’t get me wrong, the presentation was great, informative, helpful and it definitely broke down every class that I could take going the Strat Comm route, which is what I appreciated the most. The problem is, I thought it was going to silence the doubt I was having about my choice to come to Mizzou, and the choice to major in journalism, but it didn’t. If anything, it brought those doubts to the forefront of my mind.
Now, before you assume I would leave the J-School for the lack of money, or jobs, that it offers in the professional world, that’s not it at all. Actually, when it comes down to it, I just really need to get out of Missouri. I’ve never belonged in the Midwest and unfortunately, I wasn’t brave enough to transfer after coming to that conclusion the first time I sat in a journalism class as a freshman here.
I used to want the graduate from Mizzou’s J-School so badly and now, I can’t even tell you why. How is that fair? There’s a kid working their butt off to pass that required Stats 1200 class and get a B or higher in English 1000 so they can start their sequence into the J-School. That’s not to say that I’m not working hard either, but I do recognize that I don’t want it like I used to and admitting it out loud, (more like online) where anyone, especially my J-School peers, can see it, is a bit scary.
It’s like how could you not want it? How could you spend 2 and half years and every summer here in Columbia, 7 hours away from home, just to get back on track and get into the J-School only to decide 2 weeks before applications are due that you aren’t sure you want it?
To be honest, my “revelation” kind of reminded me Mizzou Alumni Marina Shifrin’s, except I’m not going to make a video showcasing my less than spectacular dance moves. But still, the overall point she was trying to make, I understand it. When you work at something for so long, eventually you may forget why you wanted it so bad in the first place. Or in my case, you may realize that the reason you once wanted it so badly, is no longer a factor, and that’s okay. I’m just glad I realized it before 4:30 AM at a job that I hate.
You see, today’s class opened up a world of opportunities for me, not that I didn’t have them before, but now I am able to acknowledge them. Journalism doesn’t have to be my only option. I am not bound to Missouri or even Mizzou for the next year and a half to two years if I don’t want to be and though I am sure this was totally not the point of today’s lecture, it inspired me to write this. Not only that, but it inspired me to really look into some other programs and make sure this is where I want to be and what I want to do for the rest of my life.