So if you know me personally, you know I tend to act like the sky is falling at almost everything. Sometimes it’s for fun, other times I just really feel like the sky is falling.
For the past few weeks I have been praying, well, I’ve always prayed, but I altered my prayers to center around God’s plan for me instead of my plan for myself (that I try and convince myself that God wants for me too). After a talk from my very wise mother (and yes, I am actually admitting that) I realized that I’m really selfish. I tend to make things about me and I love being the center of attention and that’s kind of ugly. It’s cute when a dog wags his tail and interrupts a conversation, but a human, not so much.
Anyway, like I said, I’ve been praying and asking God to direct my path, move me where He feels I need to be and let relationships flow as they may, or end if they just aren’t meant to work out. Ever since I’ve started praying that prayer, I’ve really felt that He’s moved me to where I’m supposed to be. He’s helped me be a more supportive friend, a better student and an even a better partner.
For the past year, I have had an on again, off again not boyfriend (he was my boyfriend, but not, get it?). On paper, he’s golden, in person, he’s easy on the eyes, but something was always off. I never wanted to believe it though. I’d make excuses, I’d blame myself for things that weren’t my fault (really, I’m the reason he was an hour late to dinner?) and I’d just let it slide off my back. But last night, I let it out. After almost two hours of waiting for this guy to show up at my house (he invited himself by the way and wanted ME to buy the pizza) I decided I’d had enough. I told him he was great, I told him I had no doubt he wouldn’t go far, and I told him the way he treated me was not okay. In short, he didn’t like what I had to say. Called me a brat, said the guys at Mizzou had brainwashed me (what guys, no one checks for me here) and said he’d “hit me up after I graduate” (no thanks).
Instead of crying, I felt relieved, even a little joyful because that just means there’s something better around the corner. Maybe it’s another guy, maybe it’s an awesome travel opportunity, who knows, but I do know God will not put me through anything I can’t handle and He won’t close one door without opening another.
The past year with this guy has taught me a lot: What I want, what I don’t want and most importantly, what I deserve.
Besides, last night made me realize that maybe there’s a special someone else. Can’t believe I’m just now realizing it.