The days after you toss your cap

Four years ago, I could not wait to get out of the small suburb of Fishers, IN and start my new life at Mizzou. Two days ago, that journey came to an end and I’ve been trying to find the right words to help explain how I’m feeling, but I am honestly not sure they exist.

For the most part, things have always come easy for me. High school wasn’t ridiculously hard, I did pretty well, the only real failure I remember is not making the volleyball team sophomore year (which was actually a blessing in disguise because I discovered journalism), but besides that, I was afforded awesome opportunities.

College was a different ball game, there were so many people and everyone wanted to be friends for stupid reasons. It felt like summer camp all over again (I hated summer camp– bugs, outdoors, box lunches, not for me). I felt like I had to sell myself to my floor-mates on why I should be invited to sit with them at lunch and I’m not too much here for cliques.

To say the least, I went through a lot of friends my first two years at Mizzou, but the really great ones stayed and put up with my dramatic, crazy life (but seriously). College was the first time I experienced multiple difficulties. I was depressed, I got my heart broken and I was not doing so hot in school.

But here I am on the other side of it, shocked. I’m shocked I graduated in four years, I’m shocked I was able to stretch myself so thin and most of all I’m shocked I don’t have a job yet.

You always see pictures from graduation day of the happy alums and their perfectly decorated caps (like the pictures below) but few graduates ever share what’s going through their minds during the ceremony and at the time they walk across the stage. Fear, excitement, plans to drink copious amounts of alcohol once it’s all over. The thing I was worried about most at the time: tripping and falling on stage.

Grad Day

But now I’m two days removed from the ceremony and celebrations and I just feel…weird and sort of like a loser. I have no real summer plans, I’ve spent most of my day staring at my email and phone waiting for a interview or job offer to come through. I feel desperate.

Graduation comes and goes, just like any other day. But for me it has aways been painted as my golden ticket to life and while I consider my degree a ticket to some awesome future experiences, the idea that they happen immediately after graduation is false.

I don’t have the slightest idea what the summer holds for me and that’s very scary, but I am determined to start those projects I never started and finish others, I will take control of my health and I will pray without ceasing because I know my opportunity is out there and I know my time is coming. And for those of you who are recent grads in similar positions, I challenge you to do the same. Lean on family and friends, trust God, it’ll all work out.

And to the class of 2015, congratulations, we made it!

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One comment

  1. Sending up prayers for you as you enter this time of transition! I love that your post is real. I know something is out there for you and I can’t wait to read all about it once you’ve found it!

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