reflection

Honesty & Growth

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11

I have a lot of friends on Facebook who like to share praise reports and I’m thankful for them because they remind me and others of the great things God does for us. But so often I find myself reading these praise reports on my newsfeed and wanting to know more. What did God bring you through? What scripture did you read? Do you have a Spotify playlists of uplifting songs to recommend?

Maybe I’m nosey  I am definitely nosey. But God puts us through tests, so we can share our testimony! Everyone isn’t going to want to share all of their business and I understand that. But I told myself if I was going to make this blog all about me and my life, I was going to do it right. And for me, the only way to do it right is to be honest.

I’m being tested right now. My faith is being tested, my mind, my willingness to succeed. I feel like I’m being attacked in every aspect of my life. It’s like the world is saying “Welcome to adulthood Brittany, not as great as you imagined is it?”

No, it certainly isn’t.

But I think about the past few months and although it’s hard, I am thankful for how close my struggle has brought me to God. Before losing my job I was pretty unhappy. For so long I had dreamed of moving to a city on my own and taking it by storm. I wasn’t worried about making friends or even failing because I just knew I wouldn’t. So to be in the position I am now is hard. I feel like a failure. I heard about stories of job loss, loss of a loved one and other tragedies, and how it brings a person closer to God and I foolishly thought that somehow I would be exempt from that pain, that I’d never experience it simply because of who I am.

But I am nothing without Him. I didn’t wake up this morning without Him, I haven’t been able to make ends meet for the past few months without Him. Everything that I have and everything that I don’t have is because of God. Although I believed in Him when I had my job, when I was in college and even growing up, I did not believe that what I had was because of Him, but rather because of me. I couldn’t see that it was His grace and mercy that allowed me to be so blessed.

I believe it is impossible for us to know what we’ve got until it’s gone. I was in a place that made me unhappy, that I dreaded going to every day, and so I complained and had a nasty attitude. I was not thankful for the fact that I had a place to live, food to eat, clothes to wear, a reliable car to drive and a consistent flow of money, so I lost it.

I know God has something better in store for me. His word says so. He has plans to prosper us and not harm us (Jeremiah 29:11). But we can’t receive a blessing we aren’t ready for. That our hearts are not ready for.

I’ve always been told that God takes us through hard times, so that we draw near to Him and in the past three months, I have. I’ve spent more time with God than ever before and I’ve watched myself changed. I’m more positive, I start my day off with prayer and devotion, and in the last few weeks I’ve taken the time to pray for people who have hurt me.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have a long way to go, but I thank God for how He has grown me during this tough time. And even though I can’t see it, I know better days are ahead!

Let Him do the same for you, submit to Him, talk to Him. Tell Him what is on your mind. Seek Him and trust that He’s got it all figured out. If you’re not sure where to start Bible.com just launched their new website and it is fantastic! So if you’re a person who want’s to read devotions on your laptop or home computer, you can just go to the website, they’ve got a lot of great devotionals as well as multiple versions of the Bible. So check it out!

God Bless,

-BK

 

 

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Reflection

I’ve attempted to write a post for a few weeks lately. So many life lessons, but I haven’t exactly known how to put any of them into words. So excuse this for sounding like word vomit.

Something about my senior friends graduating and not having a job scares me. Yeah, I’ve got a year to make sure that doesn’t happen to me, but if businesses wait as long as they did to get back to me about internships (even thought I got a lot of offers) I’ll be a sitting duck for a lot longer than I want to be. I told myself that come June and especially come August, I’d start really looking/applying for jobs. I think that’s the biggest mistake some of my senior friends have made. Yeah, it’s super easy to get caught up in football season, classes and all the organizations you’re involved in, but eventually all that ends and if you don’t prepare ahead of time, it could be bad news.

Then there’s the lack of a dating life. I guess when I look back on my time in college (and even high school) I never really had a dating life. I think last summer was the closest I’ve gotten and while that was really great, it was also, not so great. I don’t know, my best friend is getting married. She’s 21 and getting married, our conversations have switched to “I hate boys, let’s grab Ben & Jerry’s and cry,” to “There’s nothing like falling in love.” In yet, I still can’t relate to that.

For a while I had gotten out of my mind that there was something wrong with me. I started getting healthy, losing weight for myself and loving my body. I wish I could tell you what changed, I’m not too sure. I do know that I hate working out, it’s not fun, at least not to me.

Anyway, I say all this to say, despite all of the awesome things I have gotten to do, I still feel like something is missing. Some days it feels like maybe an org I could have joined, others it feels like a person. I’ve definitely been praying through it, but I just can’t seem to shake it. It’s weird.

Despite the difficult time, I can’t help, but be a little happy because I feel it signifies change. I know God wouldn’t take me through anything I cannot handle and even though things seem really up in the air right now, I know He’s got my back.

Trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight. 

-Proverbs 3: 5-6

Be blessed you all!

What a semester is has been

It’s funny, looking back on this semester in J2150, I feel like it was nothing like I thought it would be, but reading what I wrote the first week of school, it matches up with what I actually expected.

I thought I’d make deadlines, I thought I’d make every single deadline, with plenty of time, and even as I write this, a little less than 12 hours before it’s due, I feel like I waited until the last minute to do a lot of things. Interviews that I thought would be quick turned into 30 minutes. A “quick night of editing” turned into all nighters with my best friends, who also expected a quick night of editing.

But most importantly, I think I found my voice in this class. In my first post, I wrote that I expected to question what I’m doing at this school, why I am even in the J-School, and I did, almost every week. But I think it’s important to point out I’m still here, I’m still chugging towards that journalism degree even though most weeks, I really wanted to give up. In that regard, I’m proud of myself.

This class taught me to trust myself, trust my gut as a journalist. I think that’s so important. So what if I get on the ground and get a little dirty, it might create a great picture. Who cares if I those girls are talking a little to loud in the background, it might actually make for good natural sound. I always viewed journalism as something that was so cut and dry, which is why I wanted to bring fashion into it, because that is such a creative field. J2150 made me realize that I could still be creative, do something a little off the beaten path and still produce something awesome.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified for the next 2 years in J-School, I totally am, and to be quite honest, I’m not sure I’ll stay, but that doesn’t change the fact that this particular class has been my favorite at Mizzou thus far. It has been a great learning experience.